Let it go, let it go, let it go
One of my first Dutch posts was called ‘letting go’. I wrote it just before I started traveling, so I was in the middle of the process of saying goodbye to everyone and everything I love and that was comfortable. Now I’m on my way back to all the things I had to let go then, but funny enough I feel kind of the same at this moment as I did back than. I feel like I have to let go of the things that keep my memories alive, like clothes I worn on my travels that are ripped, have stains, holes, are smelly, but still very comfy. I learned that I don’t need a lot of things to survive and to be happy. Things are just things, even a burden, because things can be heavy and I have to carry them around on my back. But some things are nice because they remind me of nice moments. These things bring me back to places I’ve been, people I met, thoughts I had, smells, colors, happiness. What’s the middle way in this? How do I decide what to keep and what to let go? I don’t need anything, but sometimes I just really want something very badly. Is that greed? Am I greedy?
To be honest I’m scared at this moment. Terrified. Fear, there we go again. I choose love and let go of fear. I say this all the time, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. Well, most of the times it is actually. I’m scared to leave comfortable Asia, with the tropical islands, fruit juices, wonderful food, wonderful people, the ocean, the warm soothing ocean. The sun, I’m going to miss the warm burning sun. Mountains, palm trees, fresh coconuts, tropical shower rains, colorful birds and flowers. Okay Gwen, get yourself together, this isn’t good for anything. And there are flowers, trees, birds and fruit in Holland, and let’s not forget all your wonderful friends and family, and the sun is everywhere in the world. Okay I feel a little better already. What is the worst thing that can happen? It’s only for two months and it’s going to be great! Two months is even short probably.
Letting go and saying goodbye is something that I never stopped doing during the travels. It’s always there. It makes me more tough, but I also realize more and more that nothing lasts forever. The only thing that lasts forever is love. And love is the only thing I really need. Memories are in my hart and I don’t need physical things to remember. And if I look at the list of things that I’m going to miss the most, there is nothing on there what I can take in my backpack and there is nothing in my backpack that can give me that experience. I don’t feel like I’m swimming with a turtle when I’m wearing some old ripped clothes right?
I just arrived in Singapore and it’s pouring. A well, better get used to it here, where the rain feels like a warm shower. I just brought a big bag of clothes to a charity and that feels awesome. There are people who need them more than I do and how cool is it so see a homeless guy with a t-shirt that says: ‘Maldives’, or an unemployed lady that can wear my pretty red Singapore shoes for a job-interview. Sharing is caring! Okay my backpack that goes with me back to Holland still contains things I probably don’t need, but hey, it’s a start, it’s still a process and I can always give them away if I feel I want/need to. Somehow I have a natural urge to collect and I still like pretty things, or am I just making excuses for myself right now? Again it’s a about balance right? Most of the things that are going with me to Holland are presents anyway. So no, I’m not greedy, I’m sharing and I don’t need things to make me happy or help me to remember how wonderful the world is and what amazing experiences I had on my travels. The memories are alive in me, in my heart, on my tanned skin (with some nice scars here and there), in my white hair (with a dread lock or two) and in the sparkles in my blue eyes by the thought of it. And if I feel I’m forgetting something, I can always take a look at the 3 million pictures and videos that I took.
And to keep the memory alive, I’m now going to paint another sea view sunset, while looking at the high heel parade and pretty dresses here in Singapore, with a large Chai-latte. Yes! That makes me happy!