Finland – Holland (airplane) 20-04-2016
Do you believe in magic? I don’t really know yet why this pops up in my head, but I feel the urge to write it down. Magic. What is magic according to you? On this very moment I’m flying. I’m in the air, surrounded by a view I don’t see everyday. I have seen views from the sky a lot since I’m flying a lot, but every time the view is different. I’m flying from Finland to the Netherlands and on this moment I’m above the sea. The sea is very blue and it’s the same colour as the sky so it’s not very clear where the sky starts or the sea ends. We might as well fly in the ocean. I can see the coast and the beaches. Around the land there is a lighter colour of water that shows the dept of the sea. It’s turquoise, my favourite colour. If I see this colour, especially in combination with other blue colours I feel a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It inspires me. It makes me creative and I want to capture it. I want to capture it in watercolour paint or in poems, or just in words. Oh nature, oh sea, oh turquoise, oh blue.
“We both are dreaming of traveling the world together.”
Finland, land of blue. In my view Finland is indigo blue, or maybe a bit lighter. Maybe I think this because of the colour of the Finnish flag, or because Finland is cold. There is ice and snow most parts of the year, and cold is blue right? Maybe I think about this colour because of the mesmerising blue eyes of my boyfriend from Finland. The same colour as the sky and ocean I’m surrounded by now. Flying high and sinking deep gives me the same uncontrollable feeling in my stomach as disappearing in his eyes. I’m nowhere and everywhere, feeling hot nor cold, empty, lost, filled with emotions who are touching all the parts of my body to make it nom, just here and now and there is nothing I can do but giving in. Surrender myself to the clouds I’m on. Is this magic?
We just separated again and although I know we are talking on the phone everyday and we will see each other again probably next month, it’s still hard. We had two lovely weeks together where we mainly just enjoyed each others company. Sharing each others energy, love and being. Often I asked myself the question why this is happening now to me. Falling in love with someone who is not living in the same country, who lives so far away. From the first time we saw each other, I knew this was going to happen. I knew it was different this time. I wrote my first song on my ukulele about this. Our first meeting. Yes, a love song, how cliche right? Whatever. Love inspires you know. Well I think that all emotions inspire, but writing about something when this emotions giving you a bad feeling isn’t as easy as writing when you’re in love. Love is energy and energy is love. It travels the world and can build a bridge from Finland to the Netherlands.
‘The only truth you have is what you see, here and now’
During my travels my view on the world changed a lot and that caused that I had a very hard time adapting to the lifestyle in the Netherlands again. I feel my body or being is rejecting to fall back in old patterns. And now again. I have to go back home so I can work, make money, to pay bills, to do grown up stuff. We’ve been talking about the future a lot during my stay in Finland. How are we going to make this work? When can we really live together? When can we start to make a family, make baby’s, build something up? We both are dreaming of traveling the world together. To explore and be free. But we both also dream of stability, maybe our own business? Dreams. I love dreams you know and I think we should never stop dreaming. The conclusion is always that we will see what happens. For now we just continue with our lives in society but we will keep the dreams alive. No mountain is too high and no valley is to deep when you just keep on believing you can fly.
So what is magic? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because we did a ‘Harry Potter’ marathon and watched the whole season of the series ‘Outlander’ that this popped up in my head. But I know I do believe in magic. I believe in it, because it calms me down. I like the fact that we can not explain everything that is or happens and that there will always be more to discover and explore. There will always be the unknown. The only truth you have is what you see here and now. And even this truth changes if you change the way you look at it.