23-03-2014 Koh Lanta, Thailand
I am going back to India. Can you believe it? So many things happened last couple of months and I changed my mind a couple of times. That’s not something new though. Making decisions is still something that is not my strongest quality. Apparently that has something to do with the period I’m born. According to Holistic Healing my birthday tree is a Weeping Willow, the Melancholy. I think the subscription is very accurate on my personality.
‘Beautiful but full of Melancholy, attractive, very empathic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but find sometimes an anchoring partner.’
When I was in Vietnam to reflect on my journey so far I got in a conversation with a really nice German lady about India. My time in India was the time that was kind of stuck in my head and I really needed to reflect on it. I wrote a piece about the cow in the street, but I didn’t feel confident enough to post it. Which is stupid, because my last English piece is about perfectionism. Okay maybe I’ll post it later. The conversation with the German lady was about how we both loved and hated India. About the contradictions, about the culture, the environment, the nature, the amount of people and plastic and about yoga. When I was thinking of reflecting, I thought I needed some alone time to just think about everything that I’ve seen, done and about my experience, but it was actually really nice to talk about it. We were talking about yoga teacher trainings in India and then she came with the brilliant idea that I don’t have to do it in India. There are a lot of other places in the world who offer a proper training. I was so stuck with the idea in my head that I had to go back to India, that I didn’t really thought about that. It was such a relief for me that the rest of the reflection time opened up even deeper things in me that was kind of hidden in my subconscious for a while. Two weeks was not really enough though, so I decided to stay for a month in the same place on an island in Thailand, just to settle down my mind a bit, but also to give my body some rest of all the traveling. I’m traveling for almost six months right now. To be honest, Thailand is not the best place to give my body a break. I am enjoying partying and I don’t have the most comfortable bed to sleep in, but that doesn’t matter. I love the place I am staying, the Clayzy-house. It really feels like a big, warm family and this is the right place to be right now. I am making a lot of art and some days I even do nothing! Yes I start to learn it.
But most days I am teaching yoga on the beach here in the sunset and that’s an amazing experience. The responds I get are wonderful and this kind of attention and recognition is something I really enjoy. It gives me a big confidence boost. I even got a job-offer in a 5-star resort for next season to teach yoga! That is definitely something I will consider. Next season is from October until may, so six months in tropical island doesn’t sound really bad, does it? Although I am not resting that well here, I do feel ready to move on, so I will leave tomorrow to a different place in Thailand. I feel so relaxed and confident that I even decided that I WILL go to India to do the yoga-teacher training. Just one month, just to do the training, probably no traveling around, although I am not really shore about that yet. If I am in India, maybe I do want to see my friends there, but I will let that depend on how I feel when I am there. But first I will travel Thailand for one more month, than I will go to Singapore for a week or so and in May I am going to travel Malaysia with my best friend Dayna! I am so excited to see her, to explore and experience together. I know we are going to have a wonderful time. I do miss everybody in Holland. Six months is a pretty long time. So I have decided that if I am going to take the job-offer here in Koh Lanta, I will go to Holland in September before I will start working in Thailand. But like I said, I change my plans a lot, so it can be completely different tomorrow. I accept it, I even like it and I don’t judge myself for it. I just go with the flow and do what feels good for me. I follow my heart and my intuition and I always choose love.
Now I am going to pack my bag, prepare for a day of hitch-hiking tomorrow and enjoy my last day on this beautiful island with my clayzy-family.